London Book Club: “The Myth of the Nice Girl”
Written by Irina Kamalova & Emma Miller - Presented by: Sumeyya Javaid
At the end of every month, WWCode runs a very warm book club session where members discuss important topics about careers in the tech industry. In our most recent session, we discussed important topics that Fran Hauser revealed in her bestseller “The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate.”
Nice is your SuperPower
Is it true? Yes!
Two of our members found their first jobs in IT by receiving feedback after passing interviews that they were recognized as nice people and promising effective team players!
“In the past, I worked for two companies, six years for one and two years for another, and both companies still call me for drinks! Why? Because I was very nice to them, they still want to be in touch with me!”
Be Ambitious and Likeable
Here we touched on the sensitive topic of how our bosses can treat us in the workplace.
Remember:
You can’t please everyone in your company.
Having a good boss is important, but sometimes they will be a diminisher who will take your credit for themselves and affect your morale. You need to escalate those things!
These red flags could be considered as early as possible:
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your boss is asking you to state late, up to 10 pm
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you feel pressured and constantly guilty for things that are not done
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you notice you’re doing quite a lot more than your fellow team members
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your boss is screaming at you
Any of these red flags should be escalated and reported to HR management.
Check if your company has anti-bullying and anti-harassment training. If not, suggest that the operations team introduce this training to your company.
If your boss is constantly asking you to stay late, remember that you’re protected by the law in the UK not to work more than 48 hours per week:
https://www.gov.uk/maximum-weekly-working-hours
During difficult situations, repeat to yourself: “I can stand up for myself!”.
Our members shared that their niceness helped them to cope with hard situations as they built a huge support network among their team members.
If your boss is a micromanager and diminisher who takes credit for your work, the key is to make your work visible to everyone: “Hi everyone, I’ve done this work. Please give me feedback or ask me a question about it”. This will allow you to grow in the company with the right culture and values, even if you have bad luck with your boss.
Speak up Assertively & Nicely
Everyone admitted: a habit of saying “thank you” when you want to say ‘sorry’ is the best takeaway from the book, and they have already started to apply this advice to their life.
Some of us have a habit of saying ‘sorry, sorry again, and sorry again’ in every situation. Some of us apologize for not being able to commit by explaining the whole context and details of why instead of simply declining the meeting.
Telling people you are grateful for their feedback or attention is a life hack to stop overusing ‘sorry.’
Give Feedback Directly and Kindly
One of the ways to give negative feedback is to use the double sandwich technique. In WWCode London, we recently discussed this at our mock behavioral interview workshop.
An important piece of advice from the community is to look at “The Culture Map” by Erin Meyer, which gives the reader a wider view of the ways of giving feedback in different cultures. If you’re working in a diverse, multicultural environment, investing your time in this book can save a lot of time in understanding your colleagues in the future.
If you’re struggling to give negative feedback, remember that negative feedback allows others to grow and allows you to find areas for improvement. In giving negative feedback, you help another to become stronger as a person or more competitive in their area of expertise.
“Don’t be scared, there are always things to learn! Don’t be shy to make a mistake, mistakes are for us to make!”
Make Decisions Firmly and Collaboratively
Sometimes you have to take a risk. It’s normal to calculate the risk and the pressure it puts on you and decide to decline the risk!
“When you’re making a decision, trust yourself, trust your gut.”(c)
Negotiate with Strategy and Empathy
Here are several tips we found out through our discussion:
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Apply to jobs through recruiters. They get a bonus which depends on your offer, sometimes they will try to increase your value on the market and do all the negotiation for you!
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Check Glassdoor and other job descriptions to check if you can do the job and see the value of the skills you have
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Collect your data points, i.e., evidence and credits for your job. It will allow you to negotiate your salary with the information about the market values, so you won’t have to change your job to get the right salary.
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Negotiate not only for salary but for a job that suits you better. For example, check if they have a more senior person from whom you can learn new skills, if the company has a good culture, and if there are additional perks like maternity leave that will allow you to reach the right work-life balance.
Set Boundaries and Be Caring
Our boundaries should be strong to protect our most important asset: ourselves.
This also includes spending some time in solitude as part of your routines, such as making a cup of coffee for yourself in the morning and keeping your mind aligned with your goals and your values.
"I do meditation and write my gratitude journal."(c)
"You can't pour from an empty cup"(c)
Summary
Being a nice person is a skill. If you were born with it, don't hesitate to use the full potential of such a gift!
Credits
Author Irina Kamalova, https://www.linkedin.com/in/
Redactor Emma Miller https://www.linkedin.
Presenter at Book Club session Sumeyya Javaid https://www.linkedin.