Four Tips to Strengthen Your Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy is no easy feat. There are moments where I feel like Michael Scott from The Office when he is asked, “would I rather be feared or loved?” And responds, “Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” I, too, want people to be afraid of how much they love me, and this is where my struggle for self-advocacy begins. 

Advocating for yourself can be scary. What if you stand up for yourself, share your wants or needs, push for an idea, or relay your fears, and people get angry or upset or, worse, think you are silly or lack understanding? 

Seth Godin, author of Linchpin: Are you Indispensable, blames this inability to advocate for your needs on the lizard brain. He explains, “The lizard brain will fight (to the death) if it has to, but it would rather run away.”

Sometimes, I have run away from or failed to advocate for myself. Staying silent didn’t fix the situation; it compounded it. Small situations became huge and unmanageable. 

The good news is you can overcome the fear of advocating for yourself. This month is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to highlight the need to care for your mental health and wellness, as well as the mental health and wellness of others. Self-care is part of maintaining mental wellness. One way to care for yourself is through self-advocacy. 

Here are some tips to get you started: 

1. Build your “Board of Directors” 

Build your board of directors – a trusted support system that you can confide in and that will advise you. Let them guide you. Bounce ideas off of them, share your struggles, and strategize the next steps. If you don’t know where to start, I can confidently say that Women Who Code is full of mentors, gifted leaders, and supporters ready to join your board.

2. Build your self-advocacy tool belt

Gather your resources – books, podcasts, training modules, and webinars that inspire you and build your skill set. Linchpin (mentioned above) remains a book I refer back to when fear prevents me from advocating for myself and showing that I am an indispensable resource to those around me. 

3. Get out of your comfort zone

Self-advocacy is a practice. Don’t just focus on self-advocacy in one part of your life but in all areas. Did you learn that you are being underpaid at your job? If it seems scary, schedule a meeting with your manager to discuss and remedy the situation. Are you having trouble sleeping lately? Talk with your doctor at an upcoming check-up, even if you think they will brush it off. Upset because you have mowed the lawn the last five times? Don’t let the anger fester; talk with your roommate or partner about how you feel the chore load has fallen on you lately. Have a great idea for a small business venture? Believe in yourself and share it with a possible investor to kick-start a new opportunity. 

4. Be gentle with yourself

Jumping into self-advocacy won’t be easy, but the key is to forgive yourself in moments of failure and commit to keep growing and learning from your mistakes. 

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